For the past half an hour I have been staying on the patio, staring at the sunshades, trying to clear my mind. It’s been a tough week, and I had some difficulty in dealing with my naughty toddler. This morning, for example, I found myself snapping at him for no reason. Or not a serious reason anyway...
The moment I heard myself raising the tone at him, I knew I was wrong and I shouldn't have done that. It was a mistake. A big one. I realized that I was out of control, and stopped before I finished the sentence.
He didn't seemed too affected by it, but I was. He went back to playing with his favorite car and I took a moment to cool off. After two minutes, I went next to him, sat down and apologized for raising my voice. He seemed surprised. Especially when I said that I was wrong. When I said that, I saw a tiny smile on the corner of his mouth. I guessed he liked the idea that parents are wrong too, not only children. He gave me a hug and said he was fine. He handed me a car and we played for half an hour, until his nap time.
While I was shaking him on legs, I couldn't stop thinking that I have turned into my mother. All my life, I tried to do everything differently, simply because I did not like her approach on most of the things. And now, I was acting exactly like her! I felt so disappointed and upset on myself. I had no excuse for my behaviour.
After he fell asleep, I grabbed my tablet, and came to sit outside on the deck. I was trying to come up with a plan that would help me manage better both my career and my personal life. I was working too much and felt exhausted most of the time. I needed to find the right balance, otherwise I'd be miserable and I would not be able to be the mother I wanted to be for my son.
While I was seated at the table, sipping my coffee, I had a good look at the sunshades. They were finished. I thought that I should buy some new awnings montreal, and replace these old ones.
I remembered that yesterday, on my way to the daycare, I had seen a shop where they were selling awnings. Next time, when I’ll drive by, I should take down their phone number, or simply step into the shop and ask how much it would cost me to change my ones.