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A second child? Oh, no!

A second child? Oh, no! - Annie Wheeler

Until one year ago, I was convinced that I wanted a second child. I had long conversations with my husband about it. He did not shared my enthusiasm. Actually he said that I was not ready. His opinion was that I could not handle two kids. 

Obviously that I got annoyed with his answer and I told him he had no right to be so judgemental, since he was not that involved in our kid’s education. He was seeing the child only two or three hours per day, when he was returning from work. By that time, a lot had happened during the day, and I had to do everything on my own. My child, my responsibility. I wanted him, thus I could not ask my mother to do what I was supposed to do.

Most of the fights we had were about the way I was raising our son. On his opinion, I was hovering around him all the time, not allowing him to make mistakes or learn how to be self-reliant. Hearing him saying such things made me feel awful. He did not seem to appreciate any of the things I was doing right. He kept on bugging me on this topic until one day I exploded. Once I had said bluntly whatever was bothering me in our relationship, I left the house. Not before adding that for the following two days he was in charge of everything, the child included.

I needed him to see what it meant to be a full-time parent. Two hours per day did not count as parental experience. Not when I have never seen him feeding, bathing, teaching, guiding the child. All he did was play for one hour with our son than moved on with his own routine. 

Those two days I stayed at my best friend. I felt guilty towards my son for not being there for him, but I thought it was a good opportunity for him and his dad to reconnect. Also I did not mind having a short break from being a wife and a mother. 

That feeling of freedom of doing anything I pleased, whenever I wished was priceless. I truly enjoyed it. It made me realized that I missed having my own life. I understood that I had forgotten about myself while I was trying to substitute the dad’s presence in our kid’s life. I learnt that things had to change in order to get better and that I had to press hubby on being more actively involved with our son.

After my last cellulite treatments, a few days ago, I reached the conclusion that one child is more than enough. I am happy with I have. I don’t think I will have the energy, strength and patience to go again through a new pregnancy. Having a newborn is very demanding. I like the fact that my son is a bit older and I can ask him to do things on his own.

 

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